Dearest Family and Friends
57 Cumberland Street, San Francisco CA 94110
Phone Number: +1 415 738 2112
November HighlightsBuying Nothing
- Definitely shifted my habits – shopping will never be again be a pastime, the desire to window shop almost curbed completely- Perhaps too easy a challenge given my personal situation – home life all set up, lots of clothes, a pile of books unread (and still unread), and music not heard enough (still)
- There were minor cheats every month – this month’s trangressions included buying second-hand picture frames, & paying for some images to be printed out to add to our photo wall – so I didn’t go completely ‘cold turkey’- My awareness of our appalling wasteful consumerism increased, and became quite irritatingly holier-than-thou on the subject
- Luckily Esme is not at the age of knee-jerk acquisition yet, and we bought her very little indeed this year: less than 10 items of attire (all 2nd hand), some new sticker and colouring books, plus the double stroller (thanks also to the generosity of friends with older children). Far harder if she was a fashion-conscious teenager, for now she loves wearing Lizzie’s knickers, or Rose’s shoes, Milla’s tops, or Caroline’s dresses
- I binged on food purchasing in compensation, getting into cooking and entertaining instead, and was militant about not wasting food (shockingly 40% of America’s food is junked on the journey from farm to factory to food outlet to fridge)- I became a scavenger, acquiring items from friends or from the street. This month I scooped 2 brand new bags dumped on the street, part of a pile rejected by quality control at a department store downtown
- I did miss sending people my trademark photo postcards, but emailed images instead – and got more response as a result- My fantasy of a slimmed down wardrobe, less detritus, a stylish uncluttered home that is the envy of all my friends, operating in a
beautiful or useful only context by year end, proved a mere dream. Items don’t wear out or disappear very quickly (I still have 16 eye shadows, 6 face masks and 9 evening dresses) although toiletries have been significantly reduced, the one in one out principle is in operation – success!- I spent time and money on the arts and saw amazing musicians, inspirational exhibitions, great films
- And really began to tune into life more, marvelling and appreciating the everyday in life – whether big planetary conjunctions, nature’s bounty, or simple beauty and truths seen in found objects and in our immediate environment. Esme’s recent park outing took the form of helping to clean it up with a team of volunteers, she loved wielding the rake!Free Experience of the Month
This year I almost forgot the Day of the Dead (El Día de los Muertos), a Latin American remembrance of family and friends, with roots in ancient and Aztec tradition now connected to the Christian All Souls’ Day.
I impulsively hurried out into the heart of the Mission with camera in hand. And bumped into Morgan who turned heads with his ‘ringflash’.
We photographed passers-by…the poignantmemorial shrines constructed with photos, candles, sugar skulls and flowers
…people cavorting in the streets
…Josh and Maggie, suitably attired
…and Adam and Jen
who were out to play with Patrick, on a flying visit from Australia. 
We had all had a lovely dinner a few days previously for a proper catch up.Even though it was a Monday night, and late, monochromatically dressed thousands still thronged the streets, gossiping, dancing and reflecting.
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Mama and Esme Together
DLG Event of the Month
Colman went to London for a week to Tanya’s wedding, so Esme and I had a quiet time together. 
A serene domestic week with one night out to see the extraordinary dance troupe, Pilobulus, whose innovative partner-work has been seen at the Academy Awards – thanks Jenn!
And a lovely birthday brunch for Laura at the Presidio Social Club - posh eh!
Sylvia kindly drove Esme and me there, Jim returned us to our door.
Sterling service guys, thank you.Esme was very well-mannered.
Laura and Jen were most impressed with her napkin skills.
Until the lure of being chased around the restaurant by a newly-walking Noa proved too much.
Good to see Debra and Gil
...as well as a Brace of Amys.
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Baby Gabriela
Finally we met the ADORABLE Gabriela Simone Kirsh, now 6 weeks old, and almost translucent with her white hair, porcelain skin and ethereal energy.
We journeyed to Rockridge and had a lazy rainy day luncheon with Kristan and friends.While Esme and Soren bounced on the sofa with gusto!
Esme was most intrigued by the sight, touch and presence of the baby. 
Hesitant yet curious, she approached cautiously, careful not to get too close.Soren is a sweetheart with her – congratulations to Steve and Kristan for their two angels!
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Visitors of the Month
RoryColman got to see Rory two weekends in a row: at Tanya’s wedding in London, and then here in San Francisco as Rory came to see us on a side trip from LA for work.
We hung out all Saturday afternoon, visited by Adam and Jen, Armani and Marcus, Tom and Kim.The kids had a brilliant time, banging on the Pilates ball, falling down and bouncing up again, giggling excitedly all the while.
And then to dinner at Castro-sceney restaurant, Catch for some very nice lobster bisque, grilled artichoke, fried kalamata, miso black cod and petrale sole.The following morning we strolled to Dolores Park.
Here Esme impressed with her daring climbing skills, and Colman with his new flat cap hat.
Esme liked playing with Rory – feeding him a biscuit with great delicacy – but all too soon it was time to say good-bye.Thanks so much for your flying visit!
Jane
Jane came to stay for her last week of her epic Californian adventure. We hardly saw her as she was so busy, much to Esme’s disappointment.
Although we had all known each other for years we took our friendship up to another level.
She had an incredible adventure, covered half the state, lived to the max at Burning Man, bought and sold a live-in-vehicle, and had the BEST TIME. She will return for Burning Man 2010. In her own words: “Bye Bye San Francisco. Thanks so much to all you generous, open hearted people who have rocked my world for the last 3 months. I have had more fun than I ever imagined possible. I Love you! Xxx”
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Spirituality in the Material World
Noe Valley Ministry
The spiritual over the material is a bit of a theme for me this year.
Recently we’ve begun attending a local ‘progressive Presbyterian’ church, ‘a celebrating Christian community.’ Our first visit resulted in Esme falling off her chair smack onto her face at a particularly hushed part of the service.She really likes going, as the first 10 minutes includes a song, a gong and lighting of candles, all deeply fascinating, then the children go downstairs to the well-equipped crèche and Sunday schools.
It is no bad thing for any of us to sit and contemplate, come together in community, praise the positives in life, remember the less fortunate, meet people you’d never normally meet (I held hands with a transsexual in the prayer circle last time), and emphasise love, compassion and world peace.Sivananda Ashram Yoga Farm, Grass Valley
All of which you get in spades when visiting a proper ashram, which was my privilege and pleasure in November.
I had wanted a solo weekend away with some yoga and birding. All the trendy SF yoga studios run retreats in lovely rural settings yet the few I found would be $500 for the weekend, minimum. And as I wouldn’t be able to leave until Colman got home from work, it seemed a lot for essentially a day and a half of yoga.Then Armani suggested the Sivananda Ashram Yoga Farm in Grass Valley, at the foothills of the Sierras.
They said I could join in the community’s daily schedule for $65 a night.
Perfect!
Friday night I set off later than planned, all fussed and worried about what to bring. The nights promised to be very chilly at altitude; their website implied that my existing yoga gear was inappropriate. To my consternation, the GPS said I would arrive at 12.15am.
By 9pm I was fighting tiredness on the freeway, playing thumping synth-pop (yes Depeche Mode) to keep awake, visions of having to sleep by the side of the road, trying to stay warm.
I came off for coffee and a chocolate bar – neither of which I ever consume, a great start to my spiritual weekend – how on earth would I make morning meditation at 6am??
Then I saw a sign saying ‘Grass Valley 24 miles’ and realised something must be wrong with the GPS. Esme had changed it to a different time zone!
I arrived to a romantic mist-shrouded scene, thick damp grass, and, in the reception area, one far-away-blue-eyed, bearded, saffron-&-white-clad chap, Kailash – self-named for a holy mountain in Tibet.I pointed out Jupiter as we traversed the farm, he asked if I believed in astrology. Taken aback, I replied it didn’t seem very logical, to which he laughed and said that nothing was.
He took me to my wooden cabin – aka 4 person dorm – which I was to share with two deaf ladies. Apparently there was a group of deaf students that weekend.It was surreal sharing a small space with these two, very nice, middle-aged women. I needn’t worry about jumping heavily down from the top bunk, or farting in bed.
Our efforts to communicate resulted in spelling letters on hands, Helen Keller style, plus some gestures and basic mime as British Sign Language bears almost no resemblance to American Sign Language.
Daily Life at the Ashram
The daily routine is unchanging.The ashram is roused by a devotee carrying a tinkling bell and chanting at 5.30am.
The ladies had actually already woken at 5am, in time for all three of us to shower hastily before everybody got up for morning meditation; you are politely requested (every notice around the ashram begins, Blessed Self) not to shower at this time.
The sky was a glittering inky wonder. I saw Leo and Gemini arcing through the oak trees, with Mars brightly shining between them.
We made our well-wrapped way to 6am Morning Satsang in the Radha Krishna Meditation Hall, adorned with a mural of Siva, Christ and Buddha, took a cushion, sat cross-legged, and were guided into silent meditation for half an hour by the orange-clad Swami on the dais. Well if you could meditate that is. My busy brain did slow down, seizing on the instruction to think ‘Om’ on the in breath, and ‘Om’ on the out breath.
And became very aware of the percussive heartbeat of the clock on the wall behind me, and the irregular crackling flares of the wood in the burner.
Then we chanted for half an hour following a Kirtan Songbook, echoing the Swami’s bhajan chants, beginning with‘Jaya Ganesha Jaya Ganesha. Jaya Ganesha Pahimam
Sri Ganesha Sri Ganesha. Sri Ganesha Rakshamam’
All the while he played on an instrument, which looked like a cross between an accordion and child’s piano.
The expressive interpreter for the deaf group sat at the swami’s feet and signed each chant, which was fascinating and beautiful visually – she told me later that Eastern philosophies had no ASL signs and she had created some with some Indian classical dancers. Some of the more experienced yogis – always easily spotted in white and yellow – would repeat the signs back to her.
Swami Pranavananda then spoke to us about spiritual values, citing Elizabeth Taylor who was ultimately never satisfied with her diamond rings the size of the Ritz as an example, because material wealth never does satisfy.
We finished by chanting ‘Om Shanti Shanti Shanti, Peace, Peace, Peace’.
And then made our way to the (somewhat chilly) Vidya Yoga Hall for the 8am Asana (yoga postures) and Pranayama (control of the life force, Prana, breath) Practice.
I found the practice to be not new for me in terms of content, although some poses are performed slightly differently and with a greater emphasis on the breathing exercises (hard to do with any kind of congestion), what was new was the more spiritual element, and the frequent rests (Sivasana) between each segment of the 12-asana sequence, a pattern unique to the Sivananda form of yoga – founded by Swami Sivananda last century.Swami Pranavananda politely reprimanded me for doing a swan-dive during my sun salutation instead of the Sivananda form.
After yoga, 10 am BRUNCH! Forewarned about the long wait between bed and food, I had brought granola bars with me, shared with my deaf ladies first thing, so wasn’t completely starving.
The food all weekend was excellent. It varied slightly from each meal, there was little to denote that a morning meal from an evening one, save for some yoghurt. We all held hands around the food, chanted a special blessing which finished by all saying Jaya to the cooks!, and helped ourselves buffet-style.
You get green salad, two-three hot courses, which could include kale, beans or root vegetables, delicious sauces and condiments, maybe grated carrots and beets or grated ginger. No meat, fowl, fish, eggs, garlic or onion is permitted.
After my third helping of the most yummy potatoes, it was time to be assigned our compulsory Karma Yoga (selfless service) task.I was to tackle the garden, bonding with fellow pitchforker, Monica, attending the Intermediate yoga course, and a lively self-doubter as to her ability to stay the course (she did).
Our hour flew quickly as we chatted, good exercise too!
Thereafter one could attend the Ayurvedic Principles lecture), or hear a talk about yoga philosophy.I decided to sit on a chair by the lake in the sun, read my Vanity Fair magazine, armed with binoculars should a feathered entity choose to present itself.
It got colder and colder as the sun disappeared in haze, and I was dog-tired. Forcing myself to walk around the valley, I investigated the llamas and goats, then guiltily snuck back to bed, as had the deaf ladies, for a blissful hour’s snooze.Then the 4pm yoga practice followed by 6pm dinner (very similar to lunch), then the Evening Satsang at 8.
By now my knees and hips were protesting at too much cross-legged sitting; I endeavoured to find comfort by piling the cushions differently.
It was very hot in the Meditation Hall and I nearly nodded off several times during the talk from the revered Swami Sitarananda, finding it impossible to find a coherent line in her discussion about health and karma, although her relaxed witty delivery was very appealing, and she spoke directly to the deaf group with great charm.At last we all chanted again, Om Shanti Shanti Shanti-hi, Peace, Peace Peace.
Bed = bliss in my book.
Sunday
Next morning I forewent any shower and made it into Morning Satsang through fog and drizzle, hips still protesting.
My mind wandered more during the meditation, but I really enjoyed the chanting.
In the yoga class, the 12-asana sequence did get a bit of a shake-up which was more interesting. And I really felt the benefit of doing a headstand for the third time in 24 hours, having been too scared of doing them for years, progress!During brunch I quizzed Kailash about operational matters. He had been there nearly 3 years; people can live here forever if they so chose, if they had completed the teacher-training course and engaged in the work-study programme, and adhered to the ashram’s guidelines.
There were probably 50 people there that weekend, from the long-termers, to those there for 3 months to take a break from the rat race on a work-study programme such as the high-flying film industry PA I shared kitchen duties with, or those wanting a year out to deepen their spiritual understanding such as the ex-National Park warden I met at check-out, and the deaf group with whom I had a spirited conversation through the charismatic interpreter about how we had used BSL with Esme. They were all really fascinated to see the British alphabet and basic signs.The interpreter had brought many groups to the yoga farm over the years and has now trained 9 of the only 11 deaf yoga instructors in the whole US. Remarkable.
I did feel privileged for having attended the same weekend as they did. It opened my eyes, and ears.
After brunch my karma yoga was to help clear up in the kitchen. I was pleased to see no food was ever thrown away, everything in their walk-in fridge carefully labelled and stacked.I said my goodbyes and walked in the fine rain up to the top of Siva Hill, and tried to imagine the spectacular view one would receive if the clouds weren’t so slow.
Sutter National Wildlife Refuge
Then headed off in the driving rain, full of thoughts, excellent vegetarian food, and with aching joints, across country – thanks trusty GPS – towards the Sacramento Valley and a wetland, riparian and grassland refuge to go birding.The route took me downhill through horse stud country and open uplands, with the amazing Sutter Buttes looming in the distance.
I found the refuge without difficulty, and turned into the side road, parking in the designated area. No one about. The rain had stopped, glowering clouds encouraged to lighten and lift by the sun’s wintry rays.The light was wonderful when the sun at last broke through, gilding every branch and leaf; the clouds broke into fluffy pieces. Birds bustled all around me.
I walked short distances, lost in bird observation.
Then thought it really must be about time to head back, the zipcar was due back at 6.30. My phone had run out of juice, probably searching for a signal.The car clock showed 4.10. The GPS showed a home arrival time of 6.15.
Yikes! There was always traffic over the Bay Bridge, which would hold me up considerably. I needed to skedaddle.
So drove out of the refuge as the geese overhead were calling, was that an otter in the canal beside the heron? No time to look.Then I saw someone had put a chain across the road.
My blood ran cold.
All benefit from a weekend of chanting, prayer, meditation and yoga banished in a nanosecond.
The chain was stoutly padlocked at either end to metal posts.The nearest house was at least a mile down the road.
I had heard 3 cars pass in 2 hours.
My phone was down to 1 red bar.
The only thing for it was to drive under the chain – if the car would fit underneath – it looked to be a tight fit.
I inched up to it, draped it over the bonnet.
Still not completely at ease with automatic cars when in panic mode, I took off the handbrake and selected Drive.
Unexpectedly, the car shot forward, the chain plus metal sign scraped over the roof.
I leapt out in alarm, expecting to see the wing mirrors or aerial ripped off.
All seemed well – phew!
Until I realised the car was still driving forwards across the road towards another chain and set of posts, beyond which was the canal.
I got to it in time, pulled on the handbrake. Sat trembling.
Then drove at 80mph down all the Roman-straight country backroads (speed limit 55) to get back onto the freeway.I managed to make up about 15 minutes. Turned the phone on. Texted Colman: please extend car.
Turned phone off. Phew!
What if he doesn’t have his phone on? What if someone else has booked the car?
Carried on driving at top speed for another 45 minutes.Approached the East Bay. A sign flashed: ‘Accident Bay Bridge, use alternative routes’.
Turned on phone. Message from Colman: how long for?
Agghh!!
Texted again: don’t know, no batt.
Picked up message from Colman: car extended 1 hr.
Phone went dead.
I could finally relax. And arrived home at 6.50.Colman and Esme were waiting for me. He kindly offered to drop the car back so I could rebond with her.
The minute he left she started howling for him and wouldn’t stop until he got back.
The perfect stressful end to a weekend of spirituality!
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Thanksgiving
Dan and Dayna’s
As last year, we joined Dan and Dayna’s family and friends for a gourmet sensation in their lovely apartment.
We were pleased to have made the grade! A hot ticket invite.
Good to see Ken and Kate again, and to meet Dayna’s father and stepmother.Esme was on best behaviour pretty much, thank goodness, enchanted by their parrot and cat, snooker table and white board.
And pleased to see Adam and Jen who are so sweet with her.Colman and I showed great restraint, neither of us had any cheese prior to the feast, and Colman was determined not to pass out drunk on their elegant chaise as last year!
We were 18 in number, 19 including Esme who wolfed down lots of perfectly cooked and delicious turkey, but turned her cute little nose up at the rest of the excellent fare. Which included spiced sweet potatoes, rich plump cranberry sauce, potatoes with sage, green beans, bread sauce, gravy and chef-quality stuffing.
I put Esme to bed and rejoined the table for dessert. The choice: a homemade crumble and a homemade pecan pie. I went for both naturally, rude not to, and was offered some accompanying cream with brandy. No thanks, I said politely, as I don’t drink spirits. To which teetotaller Jen turned pale and said, that explains why I’ve been feeling so light-headed!
And had to languish on the elegant chaise for an hour or so – this year’s casualty!
The conversation flowed from Sarah Palin to popcorn movies to climate change to health care to social mobility and beyond.
Maia and Seth very kindly gave us a lift home, Esme was an ANGEL all the way from her bed to my arms to the car to her bed, and then started bawling. Luckily she went back to sleep again pretty promptly.Thanks to Dan and Dayna for another superb Thanksgiving!
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Holiday Friday
Very civilized concept, the 4-day weekend. We took Esme to the playground in the morning, full of Fathers rather than Mothers for a change.And in the afternoon hosted Tom and his brother, Wes, mother Rose and daughter, Milla - the latter three up from LA for the holiday.
Wes played two quick games of chess with Colman, the latter pleased to have got some much-needed practice in.Milla is only a year and a bit older than Esme but nearly double the size, unsurprising given her paternal genes.
She and Esme had fun running up and down the street outside the apartments, hiding in garage doorways and rushing out to surprise each other.
Geoff, Armani and Marcus also joined us for drinks, nibbles, food and excessive sofa jumping.The three kids had a brilliantly bouncy time which continued in the bath and then watching Night Garden. A very jolly night all round.
And thanks, Wes, for donating Milla’s clothes, much appreciated by both of us.
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Calistoga
On the Saturday we drove to Napa to stay with family friend, Mary, whose country place is down a secret road in the wooded hills near mineral-spring-rich Calistoga.
Esme was most taken by Mary’s garden, with its swimming pool, fallen leaves, and larger than life dolls house. 
But most importantly she ADORED playing Mary’s piano.Which prompted us to think of buying her something like a piano/keyboard/xylophone for Christmas, until I remembered that I wasn't going to buy her anything...
It’s a slippery slope!
Bebe, Ned and Fiona joined us for a very convivial and most delicious dinner of lamb cutlets followed by mixed berry crumble. I waddled in to bed that night…
Sunday morning I slipped off to the famous Indian Springs in Calistoga,
where you lie in a hot mud bath, then a hot mineral bath...and then in a steam room, followed by a massage, then a swim in a hot mineral swimming pool.
All superb, but despite copious quantities of iced cucumber water I got a thumping headache for the next few hours.
And so rejoined Mary, Colman and Esme at the nearby Old Faithful Geyser.I’d not seen a proper geyser in action before, and Esme was just as fascinated as I, to see it bubble up and gush forth for several long minutes.
She was most concerned when the wind changed direction and most of the crowd were showered in spray.
Thereafter we had a picnic lunch in the grounds of the Petrified Forest.And strolled around the trail, where Robert Louis Stevenson visited in 1880.
Extraordinary to touch a tree-like stump now fossilised – all its original organic materials replaced with minerals, mostly silica, deposited in the plant cells and remaining after the cellulose has decayed, as stone. 
It is thought this petrification process occurred 3.4million years ago after a volcanic eruption.Then back to the car for a dream run home.
And the end of Thanksgiving weekend.
Thanks so much Mary for a really splendid time in Calistoga!
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Bird of the Month
My time at the ashram and birding in the Sacramento delta on the way home did produce an eventual tally of 30 birds for the weekend.
At the Yoga Farm dozens of raucous and clown-faced Acorn Woodpeckers were busy storing acorns in their granary trees for the winter.
Several White-breasted Nuthatches spiralled up oak trunks. Excitingly, a stripey Nuttall’s Woodpecker flew past my lakeside perch, over the heads of the small gaggle of Canada Geese.Walking between Satsang and the Yoga Hall at 8am daily I noticed an enticing number of chirpy flying fluttery things, gone by the time yoga had finished. I did spy the Oak Titmouse, Hutton’s Vireo, Black Phoebe, White-crowned and Golden-crowned Sparrows.
While soaking up the sun’s rays by the lake, the Spotted Pipilo maculates and California Towhees hopped out of bushes to indulge my list-checking mania.At the Sutter Wildlife Refuge two species were present in large numbers, at very different strata.
High above me flew skeins of Snow Geese Chen caerulescens, honking and calling to each other in raggedy ‘V’s. A sure sign of winter. Backed by ethereal light, as the clouds broke up into a mackerel sky, they appeared dark at first, before I noticed the bicoloured underwings.
The Red-winged Blackbirds Agelaius phoeniceus were heard before seen with trilling liquid bubbling calls descending into gurgling croaks, but were certainly visible as they formed flocks, wheeled up into the air, banked steeply, and returned to their perches with great chattering.
If you see an all-female flock, it takes a while to identify them as blackbirds, given their strong dense streaks and eye stripe, an example of sexual dimorphism, ie the sexes differ greatly.California’s Red-winged Blackbirds lack the yellow coverts, so their red lesser coverts are often hidden under glossy black plumage.
I suddenly noticed in front of me a smaller, buffy, streaky bird with strong dark lateral throat-stripe foraging on the ground. It took ages poring through pages of passerines to make a definitive identification: the Lark Sparrow Chondestes grammacus, a new Life Bird, and thus, this month’s featured bird!
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Mural of the MonthSnapped by streetlight during the Day of the Dead festivities in the heart of the Mission.
Stencil of the Month
Bumper Sticker of the Month
You’re Just Jealous Because the Voices are Talking to Me
And bonus one seen in rednecksville Yuba City, Sacramento Valley:
Pray America Right
